


hyacinth

by ultraviolet289



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Plot Twists, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, of course i have to write a soulmate au, plot twist but you'll probably see it coming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29503662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolet289/pseuds/ultraviolet289
Summary: There are two options in this world.Find your soulmate, have a lifetime of love.orKill your soulmate, and live forever.----------Maybe its an excuse. Maybe she reaches for people she knows aren’t meant for her because at least there’s the excuse when they eventually leave her.Maybe because if they decide to kill her, it’s murder and not a sacrifice.The match was supposed to be like magic. Love was supposed to be like magic, but somewhere along the way, Nina thinks that she only fell in love with the idea of love, and it terrifies her.
Relationships: Ashlyn Caswell/Kourtney Greene, E.J. Caswell & Gina Porter, Ricky Bowen & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Seb Matthew-Smith/Carlos Rodriguez
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28





	1. I: the match

**Author's Note:**

> long time no see! 
> 
> I came up with this idea a WHILE ago, and i've been waiting and waiting to write it. I had to finish spider and stone + at least a few spider and stone one-shots before I could dive into something new. But don't worry, I'll post more of those if you guys want.
> 
> I've seen a ton of Rini soulmate au and they are my absolute FAVORITE so if you've written one, I've probably read it. I just needed to write one for myself
> 
> and of course I had to put my own little ultraviolet touch to it and make it violent because why not. I love the high stakes, what can I say.
> 
> updates will be slow, I'm in junior year, so i barely have time to read, let alone write. the goal is about ten chapters, but it might be more or less, who knows. I'll write until it feels like it should end. 
> 
> Also, I use the term "bloodmate" instead of soulmate because, well, you'll see. If you've read that term in a book before, i probably have too but the name just seemed so fitting.
> 
> ALSO if you know the story of hyacinth, bascially his lover, apollo, killed him on accident. my story really doesn't follow that plotline, but it is a tale of one lover killing another which is an overall theme in this story. also hyacinth just sounds cool lolz
> 
> EDIT: i changed the birth year of Benjamin
> 
> Ok! without further ado! enjoy!

Finding your soulmate is a dream come true, isn’t it? Finding that one person who fits perfectly with you. Who loves you, unconditionally. Who will stick by you until the day you die, who will never cheat, never lie, never betray you. A match where there’s no mystery in figuring out whether they like you or not. No games. They just, _love_ you. Well, with Bloodmates, it’s possible.

Since the dawn of the human race, people have been finding their Bloodmates. No one knows how it started, or why it happens, but it just does. You meet someone and there’s just this _click,_ deep in your soul. Some say time freezes, and for a moment, the only two in motion are the Bloodmates. Others say you can start to see new colors, or that a bright light shines down on the Bloodmates from the heavens. The truth is, the matching happens for everyone in different ways, but at the end, you have _the one_ , so does it really matter how you come to find out?

There is, a price, however, on Bloodmates, and a reason for its name. Yes, most people dream of true love, and are perfectly content with that, but there are others who would rather pay the price—make the sacrifice.

Kill your Bloodmate—spill their blood—and live forever.

But you must be in love with them first.

It’s the ultimate sacrifice.

 _Who would do that_? Many ask. But the cold truth is that some will only ever truly love themselves. Some would rather live free from sickness, pain, and fear of death. For some, true love isn’t worth only having a lifetime.

So there’s a choice. The most important choice of a person’s life: Love someone until the day you die, by age, by cancer, by accident. Or kill them—sacrifice your true love—and become immortal, leaving all of your humanly troubles behind.

~*~

**_February 25th, 2021_ **

People are staring at her. She’s sure of it.

She can feel their eyes burn her skin as she zips past them, half walking, half sprinting. Papers falling out of her arms, her earbuds swinging from he collar of her jacket. Her feet ache and her head is pounding, but she’s trying the best she can.

 _Fuck you, Gina_ , is all she can think. _Fuck you, I didn’t even want to go out last night_.

Her roommate had taken her out drinking the night before, even though Nina had explicitly told her she had a deadline the next day, Gina had dragged her away from her desk and told her to “stop stressing” and “be fun for once.”

 _One drink_. Nina agreed.

Eight drinks later, she woke up the next morning with the worst hangover of her life and a half finished response her writing class’s reading of _Pride and Prejudice._

By the time she arrives to the NYU English department, Nina is panting. And as she stumbles into the back of the class, she’s trying to make her heavy breaths quiet. Lungs burning, face hot and red and sweaty, she takes a seat next to a curly haired girl in a denim jacket, decorated with pins and patches of all sorts.

“You’re late!” Kourtney whispers.

Nina gulps down a breath. “Yeah, I know that.” She piles all of her books and papers on the tiny desk attached to her seat. “Gina took me out last night. I had to finish the reading response this morning.” She huffs out a breath as she peels her jacket off, suddenly claustrophobic and hot from her little morning run. “God, I’m going to kill her.” Nina mumbles.

Kourtney chuckles. Nini turns to her friend. “Laughing at my pain, are we?”

Kourtney shakes her head as another chuckle spills out of her lips. “Nina Salazar-Roberts, late to class because she was out _partying_. I thought I’d never live to see the day.”

“We weren’t out _partying_ , we drank and then I threw up and cried, I’d hardly call that a party—”

“Ms. Roberts late _and_ chatty,”the professor’s voice interrupts Nina’s sentence.

“Sorry, Hensley,” Nina replies. She has a good relationship with her professor, but she shrinks down nonetheless.

Nina got into the NYU Creative Writing program two years ago as an awkward, introverted seventeen year old. She still remembers it as possibly one of the best days of her life when that purple-white letter came in the mail. All she’s ever wanted to do since she was a little girl was to write, write, write. To tell stories, to spill her heart out on paper forever and ever. Two years into the program, she (usually) comes to class with a head full of ideas and thousands of questions for the professor. Professor Hensley always answers enthusiastically, excited that at least one of his students are engaged in the material. Sometimes she can hear her classmates whispering _teacher’s pet_ , but it really doesn’t matter to her. She came to New York City to become the best writer she can be, and if that means nagging the hell out of the professor, she’ll do it.

As she scribbles down notes into her notebook to catch up, she can hear her friend huff out a laugh once again. Nina tries to kick her in the shin, but misses.

After turning in their papers at the end of class, the two girls are walking down the cobblestone to head to lunch. Valentine’s Day had come and passed, but even though they were almost in March, the weather was still frigid. Nina, with her small frame, was nearly drowning in her large, green puffer jacket. Mud-brown snow caked the edges of the streets, sloshing under their boots as they moved onto the sidewalk.

Nina inhales deeply. The scent of the planted trees and cigarette smoke filled her lungs. She looks down the long street full of buildings. New shiny, glass buildings intertwine with old ones carved of stone. She takes a moment to marvel at the wonderful city she is living in.

Kourt is swiping vigorously on her phone, while Nina narrates aloud where they might want to go to eat.

“I definitely need coffee, so maybe the cafe on Mercer,” Nina tries to file through all of the restaurants she has discovered since moving to New York City. “Oh! Or maybe we can go to that Thai place—damn, what’s it called—”

“Three sacrifices so far this week,” Kourtney announces, not even to Nina, but she does shove her phone in front of Nina. She glances at the headline. _Three Bloodmate Sacrifices Just This Week: Numbers up Twenty Percent Since Last Month._

Nina waves the phone from out of her face in disgust. “Ugh, Kourt, I don’t know why you love to keep up with that.”

“It’s just insane to me—I mean _murdering someone you love.”_

“It’s barbaric, is what it is.” Nina agrees. “And I still find it crazy that no one gets arrested for it.”

Kourtney snorted. “Yeah, because what’s the law going to do—put you in a cell for all of eternity?” She kept scrolling through her phone. “Everyone will be long gone and they’ll still be kicking it.”

Killing a Bloodmate is something Nina is wholeheartedly against. Sure, she’s never been in love before, so she doesn’t know exactly what she’d be losing, but she’s dreamed of it. She imagines love quite literally as sunshines and rainbows, a permanent high, or like a rollercoaster drop. She imagines true love like rom-coms or poetry or those trashy romance novels she loves so much. She remembers watching her moms be in love, and something aches in her heart because Nina wants it so badly.

She could never imagine giving that up to spend an immortal life without her other half.

It saddens her that people have made that choice. Sometimes so much it keeps her awake at night.

“I like Thai,” Kourtney breaks Nina out of her small reverie.

“Hmm?” Nina turns to her friend.

“That Thai restaurant,” Kourtney raises her brow, “The one you were _just_ talking about.”

“Oh! Right, yeah.” Nina shakes her head.

Kourtney looks suspiciously at her friend. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay,” Nina smiles at her friend. “I just remembered that I have a shift at Argonaut today, so lunch will have to be quick.”

Kourt accepts the response, and they make their way to lunch.

~*~

It happens halfway through their lunch.

A gush of wind so powerful whips through Nina’s hair, her split ends stabbing into her eyes. The napkins and straw wrappers go flying off her table. She can barely hear as wind zips past her ear. Nina strains to look in front of her and finds Kourtney grabbing onto the table for dear life.

Nina looks across the restaurant.

A waitress and a seated customer are gazing at each other in disbelief. They are both unmarred, unaffected by the wind. Pieces of the restaurant are flying around them, but they are almost unaware of the chaos. The seated customer, a girl maybe no more than Nina’s age stands slowly. She brings her hand up, ever so carefully to the waitresses face. She brushes her thumb over the opposite girl’s cheek, and smiles.

Suddenly the winds cease, and the two girl embrace. They have found their Bloodmates

The entire restaurant erupts into an applause. Nina is almost too mesmerized by the matched to do so, but her hands move together to follow suit.

All she can do is stare at the pair. They have just found their partners for _life_. The one person that matches the perfectly, that will love the other unconditionally.

“Wow,” Kourtney says, exasperated. “That was just—that was so beautiful.”

Nina is still too stunned, too mesmerized to speak. She has never seen someone else’s match in real life.

“It really was,” Nina breathes. She straightens out her clothing.

“I mean, I know what movies make it out to be, but in real life? That was _insane.”_

“Tell me about it.”

Nina still stares at the couple. The waitress has taken a seat in chair across from the girl. She has a smile on her face. Her eyes are bright, it’s like she’s glowing with pure joy.

“What do you think your match is going to be like?” Kourtney asks suddenly.

“Oh I…” Nina has a hard time trying to find the words. “I’m not sure.”

That was the truth really. As a little girl it was all she could _ever_ imagine. She would think about her match on long car rides, during class, before falling asleep at night. Her seven year old self was obsessed with the idea of glitter falling from the sky. Her twelve year old self flirted with the idea of floating into the air with her Bloodmate. At fifteen, she was sure that an entire symphony would start to play the second she locked eyes with her match.

She should be excited about it, right? All she’s ever wanted was love.

But somewhere along the way, Nina choked on the idea. She had fantasized about a single moment for all of her life, but she could never imagine it happening in real life. And what if it wasn’t as perfect—as life changing—as she had made it out to be. As the movies made it out to be. As the books and shows and songs made it out to be?

How can the universe even be sure that her Bloodmate will love her back?

Dating is different when you know you have a Bloodmate out there. It’s more like killing time, finding company to satisfy you until you’ve found the perfect one. Many people have very loving relationships before their match. Nina has tried before, and every time she thinks she’s close to finding love, she gets her heart broken. Her friends will tell her its unhealthy, but she says she needs practice. So she knows how a relationship works when she finally has the real thing.

Maybe its an excuse. Maybe she reaches for people she knows aren’t meant for her because at least there’s the excuse when they eventually leave her.

Maybe because if they decide to kill her, it’s murder and not a sacrifice.

The match was supposed to be like magic. _Love_ was supposed to be like magic, but somewhere along the way, Nina thinks that she only fell in love with the idea of love, and it terrifies her.

“Well I think mine is going to be just _perfect_ ,” Kourtney answers her own question.

Nina forces a smile for her friend. Kourtney has always been like a sun, the people in her life orbiting around her, soaking in her warmth. She has no doubt that her classmate with have the match to end all. She has no doubt that her Bloodmate will be perfect for her.

“It will be,” Nina promises her friend, not that she has any authority to. “I’m sure it will be.

~*~

Her nose and cheeks are rosy by the time she gets to work, the door bell chiming as she pushes the wooden doors open. Benjamin, the bell-shaped, ancient looking, owner of Argonaut Books, looks up and shoots her a smile.

Nina greets him back with a smile and some insignificant comment about the cold weather, hanging up her jacket on the hook at the front of the store. Nina clips on her name tag. Her name is scribbled on haphazardly in black sharpie. She keeps telling Benjamin he has to work on his handwriting. Her job takes twice as long when she has to decipher his chicken scratch on book or inventory logs. “What’ll it be today?” She asks.

“New books to stock,” Benjamin moves to pick up a cardboard box half his size. Nina rushes over to help him.

“Benjamin we talked about this! Your back—”

“—will be fine. I got strong bones, remember” Nina shakes her head as she helps him lift the box.

“Yeah, well they’re gonna all snap soon if you keep this up. Your bones may be strong—” She nearly drops the box onto both their feet, “—but I think several dozen books books might be stronger.”

A sarcastic smile appears under his white mustache. Nini had always thought he looked like Santa Claus—if Santa Claus was a two time war veteran and was cynical about everything.

Benjamin flips open the cardboard flaps, revealing several stacks of books. “Fiction section, Anderson to Nathan.”

Nina files through the stacks. With Argonaut Books being a _used_ book store, she has seen her fair share of titles. Sometimes, it was rather predictable.

“ _To Kill a Mockingbird, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,_ ” Nina reads some of the titles. They were mostly paperback, the corners worn and torn. The store might have over a dozen copies of these, she’ll probably put them in the back. “ _The Giver—_ Oh! _Me Before You.”_ Nina flips through some of the ending pages. “Ha, look at that—water stains. I guess someone was too sad to keep the book.”

“You like that mushy gushy crap?”

“Can’t say I don’t.” She places the books back in and moves to take the box off the counter.

“It’s all lovey-dovey bullshit. It doesn’t happen like that in the real world.”

Nina has learned it’s better to just agree with the old man. “Yes, Benjamin.”

“No one is ever as happy like they are in those books.”

“Yes, Benjamin.”

Something inside her heart clenches. Anybody would just pass him off as being some cynical old man, but Benjamin has good reason. It’s because he’s old.

No, like, really old.

Benjamin was born somewhere in Europe in 1632. He had found is Bloodmate, they fell in love, they grew old together. Benjamin had the happy life. But on some spring day in April, he and his Bloodmate got into a carriage accident at Benjamin's fault. The universe deemed it a sacrifice, and now here he was in 2021 living above a bookstore in Lower Manhattan.

It’s okay, though, Nina reminds herself. Benjamin had his love of books to help fill that gaping hole.

She starts hobbling toward the back of the store. “And if you drop and dent any of the covers it’s coming out of your pay check!” He calls after her.

Nina laughs at the threat she’s heard a hundred times before. “Of course, Benjamin.”

The bookstore is quiet has she treks to the fiction section. They’re usually busy at this time in the afternoon, but Tuesday is always a slow day. The old, nouveau style light fixtures cast a dim, yellowy golden glow on the shelves. It smells of oak and must and old paper. Nina’s eyes trace the soft edges of the crown moulding. She hears the electricity buzzing of the decades old wiring system.

God, Nina loves this place.

Books are like a little safe space for Nina. Every single novel its own little universe. She loves getting lost in the different worlds, entire cinematic scenes unfolding in her head. All of her worldly concerns just _poof_ from her brain. She never needs to worry about the unpredictability of the story because the author has already written the ending. And it’s so much easier to say goodbye when there’s a table of contents telling her exactly when.

Books sat on a bookshelf, always available for Nina to revisit. Always available to _her._

They were reliable. Constant. She could tuck one under her arm and never let go.

She sets the box down with an _oomph!_ by the fiction shelf and starts unpacking the books. It’s a mindless task, but she feels peaceful as she does it. Nina first stumbled into the store her freshman year at NYU. Somehow, contrary to her overall hoarding attitude towards books, in all of her packing for college, she had forgotten to pack her English books. She read one or two Yelp reviews that the books at Argonaut were cheap, and decided it was her only hope. As she was checking out, Benjamin had been yelling at the only employee, some scrawny blonde kid, who quit soon after.

 _You want money?_ Benjamin had bluntly asked Nina.

She remembered nodding and receiving her name tag.

How she tolerates is the old man is a mystery to many, but Nina knows that under his grumpy interior, he’s just a squishy elderly man to loves to read. She thinks he knows she knows that, and that’s why he keeps her around.

The front door bell rings as she’s moving from the “D” last names to the few titles in “E.”

“Hi,” she hears a male voice. “Can I speak to the manager please?”

“She’s back there,” Nina hears Benjamin respond. She can’t help but roll her eyes. Sometimes when Benjamin doesn’t feel like dealing with difficult people, he’ll send them Nina’s way so they can complain to the “manager.”

“Great, thanks,” The guy replies. He has a nice voice, she thinks.

But Nina still curses at Benjamin under her breath. Great, this is really just what she needed today. Some dumbass who probably came to complain about a book condition—even though they have a sign at the front of the store that _clearly_ states they are a used book store. She hears the man’s footsteps, but continues to work, piling books in her arms.

“Hi,” he clears his throat.

Nina works with her back still turned to him. “Look man, it’s a used book store. If there’s a food stain, just rip the page out, we don’t offer refunds.”

“No, I’m not here to complain,” He chuckles, a little nervously she decides. Her arms are empty of books as she finishes another shelf and she dives into the box again. “I was wondering if you had any job openings? I just got an apartment a couple blocks away and I’m looking for some work.”

Nina sighs, loudly, as she realizes this is something she’ll actually need to pay attention to. She turns around with a dozen books in her hands.

Soft, honey golden eyes lock with hers. A head of curly brown hair, and sharp jawline. Nina feels a spear of light go through her chest. The books fly out of her arms and stop in midair. They float around the pair like feathers, with golden ribbons of light lacing around the covers and pages between her and the boy.

Her eyes widen. She can feel it in her fingers or toes.

_Bloodmate._

_Bloodmate Bloodmate Bloodmate_.

The man—no—more like boy Nina’s age—looks equally as stunned. His mouth gapes open. The phantom wind of the golden light wisps through his hair.

_Bloodmate Bloodmate Bloodmate_

“Y—you,” she hears her voice but doesn’t remember making the decision to speak. “If you want a job, y—you’re going to have to speak with Benjamin,” is all she can come up with.

She wants to kick herself. This moment—a moment she’s been waiting for since she was a little girl—is finally here.

And she’s standing with her mouth open like a fish in the back of a cranky old man’s book store.

The boy is much taller than her. He wears converse and jeans that pile up around the ankles. She wants to laugh when she sees the purple NYU logo on his hoodie. And his eyes, the color of which she’s been waiting her whole life to know, are an amber brown. Like two little pools of pure honey, reflecting in the magic gold light.

He might be the most beautiful boy she’s ever seen.

No scratch that, he _is_ the most beautiful _person_ she has ever laid her bare eyes on.

“Yeah, I’ll—I’ll—“ he tries to finish the sentence but swallows instead. She then watches as he shakes his head, and _laughs._ “I think—we’re Bloodmates.”

Her whole body goes rigid as she hears the word come from his mouth. Spoken with his voice.

The universe has just given her this gorgeous, beautiful, Greek god of a boy as her Bloodmate. And it has to be some sick joke because she doesn’t deserve this.

Because of all of her daydreaming, she had never imagined what happens after she meets her Bloodmate.

Because she can’t make excuses for him if he leaves her—or kills her.

Because, it’s like she suddenly staring down at an abyss and she doesn’t know what’s at the bottom of it.

Because she’s still only in love with the idea of love and she’s not ready for this.

She’s not fucking ready for this. 

“I’m Ricky.”

Oh look at that, it has a name.

The books are still floating around them.

“I’m—um—I’m—” God fucking damnit what is her name? _Why can’t she think of her own fucking name?_

The boy—Ricky—reads from her name tag. “You’re…” he squints at Benjamin’s handwriting “‘Nini’?”

This time she laughs out loud.

“Oh is that not right?” He asks, “Sorry I just—it’s hard to read—”

“Have you dealt with the boy yet?” Benjamin screams from the other side of the bookstore. He forgets that not everyone has his terrible hearing.

The shout does, however, snap Nina out of the Bloodmate match. The golden ribbons snake their way back into her and Ricky’s bodies. It feels like a spark going off in her heart. She flinches slightly. The books land with a loud clatter. Nina can only watch, frozen, as the books tumble, whereas Ricky jumps back.

“Hey!” Benjamin shouts even louder. “What in the _hell_ is happening back there?!”

Nina snaps her head up. The large man is starting to hobble his way towards them. She looks between Ricky and Benjamin, and she makes a decision.

“I can’t—I can’t do this right now—” she feels her voice catch.

Nina feels her feet start to move. They start to move past the books, past Ricky.

“Wait! Nini!’ She hears his voice but it seems so far away.

Her pace picks up, and she starts approaching Benjamin. “And where the hell do you think you’re going, young lady?”

“I can’t— _I can’t do this_ —I need to go.” She’s on the verge of tears.

“What’d-you mean you have to go? You have three more hours on your shift—”

“Nini! Wait! I want to talk to you!” She hears Ricky call after her. His footsteps are catching up.

“ _Hey,_ if the young lady doesn’t want to speak to you, then you leave her the hell alone!” She hears Benjamin behind her. Nina rushes out of the door.

The cold air hits her like a brick wall. She’s only wearing a t-shirt and a zip-up jacket. Her skin prickles, her lungs seize with a sudden sob. She starts running.

Nina hears Argonaut’s door bell chime behind her once again. God, she’s fucking _sick_ of that bell. Rick’s voice echoes behind her, but all she can do is sprint.

Weaving through the busy side walks of New York City, nearly colliding with pedestrians and dogs and street signs, Nina sprints.

Ans sprints. And sprints.

She’s met her Bloodmate, and she has no clue how to deal with that.


	2. II: the unexpected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh thank you everyone for the amazing feedback so far--I'm so glad that you guys like this story!
> 
> First I would like to address the many inconsistencies in the first chapter. I thought I had thought everything through, but apparently not.
> 
> 1) I realized that Benjamin being an old man brings in the question of how immortals age. I went back and edited the story. Basically, Immortals get stuck at the age at which they kill their soulmate. I changed it so Benjamin was very old when he killed his.
> 
> 2) Benjamin is NOT Ben Mazzara. Tbh I totally forgot there's a Benjamin in the hsmtmts universe and totally just used a random name generator. For the sake of my sanity, I'm leaving it as benjamin and ya'll have to deal. 
> 
> The chapters in this story are going to generally be shorter. it will be more fast paced than spider and stone. I was going to make this like a ten thousand word short little thing, but instead I'm doing chapters. 
> 
> LASTLY, I made a pinterest board of the aesthetic of this story and I LOVE IT so please please please check it out!
> 
> https://www.pinterest.com/ultraviolet289/hyacinth/

Nina bursts into her apartment, nearly tripping over herself as she stumbles in. She shuts the door tight behind her as if to keep away the Bloodmate she had just faced. Her chest is heaving, her face is hot despite the cold weather and thin layers. She can’t help but curse the annoying amount of running she has gone through today.

Her face is wet with tears.

Nina presses her back to the door and slides down to the floor as the reality of her situation washes over her. A sob bubbles out of her lungs. And another, and another. She doesn’t know what to do with herself.

Her entrance must have been loud, for she hears Gina open her bedroom door and pad down the hall.

“Nina? Is that you?” Gina calls out. Nina doesn’t respond, but when Gina comes across the girl, her expression changes. “Oh, Nina, what happened?”

The sobbing brunette tries to form the words, but nothing comes out. It’s like her lungs are filled with water. She tries again. “Bl—I met—” Nina hiccups and its painful.

Gina kneels down by the girl, her face full of concern. She takes Nina’s hands in her own. “Deep breath, okay” Gina takes a deep breath to demonstrate. “In,” she inhales deep. Nina tries to follow suit, but it’s shaky. “And out.” Gina finishes.

Nina was paired with Gina as her roommate in freshman year. She remembers being so intimidated by the girl, all legs and confidence, attracting every person, guy or girl on their floor. Nina didn’t want to be one to jump to conclusions, but her prediction was that Gina would have friends filtering in and out of their dorm while Nina read quietly in her side of the room. To Nina’s surprise, however, Gina was eager to get to know her and they instantly clicked, deciding to move off campus to an apartment come sophomore year. It was pretty early, they knew that, but they got along so well they wanted a place of their own.

Nina had never been more grateful for their decision, for she couldn’t imagine what it would be like running through a hallway full of college students while sobbing hysterically.

Gina and Nina repeat the deeps breaths a few more times before Nina has some semblance of control over her breathing. Gina had gone to the kitchen to get a glass of water while Nina wipes her tears away with her sleeves. Her eyes feel puffy. Her head is foggy.

Gina comes back with the water and hands it to the red-eyed girl as she sits back down on the floor. Nina takes a sip and tries to center herself.

“Nina, would you tell me what’s going on?” Gina asks softly.

Just thinking about it makes Nina feel like crying again, but she keeps it down. “I—” She nearly laughs. “I met my Bloodmate.”

“That’s—Gina’s face lights up only for a second, almost like a reflex to the news. Her face falls to confusion. “Wait, so how come—why are you—”

“I thought I had more time,” Nina explains, her voice broken. “All I’ve ever wanted was to have my Bloodmate and be in love but— I’m not ready.” She sniffles. “It’s like the universe just handed me the _rest_ of my entire life, and, I don’t know, I thought I had more time to prepare for it. He just,” She sighs. “He just appeared out of no where and I panicked.”

Gina clutches her friend’s hand tightly. “Are you scared he’s going to decide to kill you or something?”

“No it’s not that—well, yes, part of it is that—but I’m scared that…” She tries to gather her thoughts. “Ok, it’s like this:” Nina sits up a little. “My entire life, I tried to imagine who would be perfect for _me,_ who would be enough for _me,_ how _I_ would feel during the match, whether or not _I_ would kill my Bloodmate. The thought of a having a Bloodmate was always centered around how it would affect _me_ , like the actual Bloodmate was just a concept…but then he just appeared, and it hit me that there’s an entirely other _human being_ involved.” She raked a hand through her hair. “I mean, what if _I’m_ not enough for _him_? What if he’s disappointed that he got stuck with me for the rest of his life? I just—” She shakes her head. “I’m a stranger to him, and I’m about to plow through his whole life and change his whole world. And I don’t think—I don’t feel like I’m worth the hassle. I’m not worth the effort.”

_I’m not worth the effort._

Nina had never said that aloud before.

“Nina,” Gina chuckled. “That is absolute _bullshit_.” She shuffled closer to her friend. “You are the kindest, most beautiful human being I know, and you deserve a Bloodmate. You deserve the love and happiness it will bring you.”

“But what if he doesn’t think that!”

“He will! Why do you think the universe matched him with you! Nina,” Gina stared at her intensely. “You aren’t going to ‘plow’ through his life, you are going to bring him happiness and love and joy. You are a _gift_ to him, and he’s probably been dreaming about meeting _you._ He’s probably worried about being good enough for _you.”_

“But what if he just kills me—”

Gina chuckles again and shakes her head. “Babe, you don’t even know him yet. And even if he’s planning on it, he’s gotta fall in love with you first, and I don’t think he’s going to want to after he discovers how incredible you are. I mean look at us! I agreed to move in with you because I want to spend more time with you!”

Nina laughs as she tries to accept Gina’s reassurance. She’s still scared out of her mind, but maybe Gina has a point. She doesn’t even know him yet. She shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

Nina scoffs. “I don’t even know how I would apologize to him, though. I never got his number.”

“What’s his name?”

“Ricky—I think. I don’t know, I was running away.”

“Hmm,” Gina contemplates a moment. “It sounds familiar…how did you meet him?”

“He came into Argonaut’s looking for a job. Benjamin sent him over to me.”

“Well, he knows where you work, he’ll probably come back looking for you.”

Nina stands from the floor, Gina helping her up. “Yeah, he might.”

Gina brushes her friend’s shoulder. “Nina, don’t worry about being good enough. Don’t worry about changing his life. I’m sure everything will turn out all right, ok?”

“Ok,” Nina finally admits to herself. She leans in to hug Gina. The girl smells like lilies. “Thank you, G.”

“Of course, Nins, I love you.” The curly haired girl separates from the hug, a smirk appearing on her face. “Now tell me, is he cute?”

Nina sighs. She’s tired. Dear god, she’s tired.

“Very”

~*~

**_February 26, 2021_ **

He wasn’t at Argonauts the day after her breakdown.

Or the day after that.

At first Nina is calm about it. He probably came and missed her shift. She tries to ask Benjamin about it, but after spending centuries on Earth, he’s come to be _really_ bad at faces (he’s just seen too many of them, he’d said), and tells her he wouldn’t know it was him if he did come by. It was still fine, she tells herself. They’re probably just missing each other.

But something is gnawing at her. The fear that he had already decided she wasn’t enough keeps creeping back into her mind. She tries to shove it down, and she has Gina and Kourtney constantly reassuring her, but every time the bell at Argonaut rings and some random college student or old lady walks through, her heart crumbles just slightly. She shelves books with shaky hands. She speaks to costumers with a stubborn frog in her throat. Nina has the unshakable feeling that she has somehow been rejected, and all she wants to do was curl up and disappear. Her self confidence is a house of cards, and without her Bloodmate she’s worried it will topple over.

**_February 28, 2021_ **

Nina is exhausted.

Her end of month paper was due this morning, and she had pulled an all nighter to finish. Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet are still dancing around her mind. Jane Austen’s words feel stuck in her mouth like taffy. She’s on her third latte and at the stage where her limbs feel jittery but her mind still wants peace. Kourtney offered to take her to lunch, maybe boost her mood, but all Nina wanted was to head over to Argonaut’s and find peace in the quiet, cozy book store. She wanted to feel the yellowing books in her hands. She wanted to smell the paper and ink.

The brunette takes a shortcut through Washington Square Park and sees the dark green wood moulding of the store front and the worn golden letters spelling out “ARGONAUT’S USED BOOKS”.

She struggles to hold her latte and croissant for Benjamin in one hand while she clumsily opens the door. Nearly spilling the drink all over her favorite green coat, the bell rings above her. She wants to yank the yellowy gold thing down and run over it with a car, but she doesn’t, and blames it her lack of free hands at the moment.

“Benny!” She calls out, a nickname Benjamin detests. She hears shuffling behind the counter.

“They were out of chocolate muffins,” She tells him, walking towards the counter. “so I got you a chocolate croissant instead.” There’s more shuffling under the counter.

“Here,” she offers, setting down the pastry. Nina is about to turn to hang all of her stuff up and get into her work apron when a head pops up from behind the counter.

It’s—

It’s not Benjamin.

It’s _Ricky_.

Nina freezes in place as Ricky looks at her with an unreadable expression and then down at the croissant. And then he—he smiles.

_Dimples_

Two little dimples that make her heart warm.

“For me?” Ricky says sarcastically endearingly. “Aw, you shouldn’t have.”

Nina can still only stare at him. “What—what are you—what are you doing back there?”

She doesn’t know why she asks, because she already sees that he’s wearing the dark green work apron and a name tag with a scraggly _Ricky_ sketched on in Ben’s handwriting.

_Fucking Benjamin_

“I uh,” he looks down at himself. “I work here now.”

“Since _when?_ ” Nina is still in disbelief. And it seems like—no that can’t be right.

But it is. It is in the way that his eyes are bright and those dimples stay planted on his face. He’s _enjoying_ this.

He’s enjoying watching her freak out.

“Since today.” Ricky picks up the croissant and takes a bite. He groans and rolls his eyes back in satisfaction. “Oh my gahd,” His mouth is full and she can barely understand him. “This is fucking delicious. Is this from the bakery on 6th and 8th?”

Nina is still stunned. The shift in Ricky’s face to a modicum of seriousness tells her that he sees it too.

“I’ve had an exam this week and couldn’t come by, so I called in last night and asked Benjamin for a job. He just said yes, no questions. You guys should really be more careful with who you hire—“ Ricky swallows, putting a fist up to his chest. “I could be a murderer or something.”

Nina looks from him to the croissant he set back down on the counter. His one bite had consumed nearly half the pastry.

“That was for Benjamin,” Nina says, still too caught off guard to speak any way other than deadpan.

“He left me to watch the store,” Ricky brushes his hands on his apron. “Like I said, you guys are _way_ too trustworthy. I could’ve robbed you.”

He’s still staring at her with a playful expression, and Nina can’t help but think he’s even more beautiful from the last time she saw him. How is that possible? Maybe it’s because this time he’s smiling and not begging her to stop running from him, but she needs to get it together.

_You have to know him. You have to give it a chance._

“Look, Ricky,” She starts, finding a surprising amount of stability in her voice. “Elephant in the room, we’re Bloodmates and I ran away from you the other day.” She still can’t read his expression. “I just want to say I’m sorry.” Nina means it. “You’ve probably been thinking about that moment for your whole life, and I ruined it so—I’m really sorry.” She gnaws the inside of her lip.

Ricky shrugs, looking down at the counter. “It’s okay, Nini, you don’t have to be sorry. You’re my Bloodmate for a reason. I’m sure I’ll understand.”

She nearly cringes, remembering that he only really knows her name from Benjamin’s handwriting.

Nina is about to speak up when he continues speaking. “Can I just ask why?”

“It’s—a very long explanation.” A jolt of confidence rushes through her. “Could I buy you a cup of coffee and I’ll explain?”

He chuckles and at first she think he’s laughing at _her_ , but she sees the path of his vision onto the latte in her hand. She chuckles too. “Trust me, I was planning on about three more today.”

He laughs and nods. “Ok then, sure—but, what about the store?”

“Eh, it’s not really a busy day, we can close up for a little while.” Lie. Sunday is a very busy day. Benjamin _will_ be pissed.

“Sounds good,” Ricky is nearly beaming. He removes his apron and puts on his coat. “Lead the way.” He tells her.

The bell rings above their heads as they leave, and for the first time in the last few days, she doesn’t hate it.

They sit down at a small table at Nina’s favorite cafe. Ricky was right, it was the one on 6th and 8th. When he tells her that he comes here all of the time, she’s surprised that their paths have never crossed before. She glad, though, that they didn’t. Nina couldn’t imagine the humiliation of matching with her Bloodmate in a cafe full of strangers, and end up running away crying.

Their table is by the window, people passing by just on the other side of the glass. She buys yet another latte and pays for Ricky’s coffee. He takes it black. She can’t believe her Bloodmate drinks coffee black.

When they sit it’s quiet. Nina thinks it might be awkward but Ricky looks comfortable. She clears her throat and explains.

She tells him how she imagined her match since she was little. She tells him that it was only ever a fantasy, and how she never realized it would ever be real. She tells him her fear that she wouldn’t be enough, and she surprises herself at how easily the admittance rolls off her tongue. Ricky listens intently, sipping his bitter drink, and i’s almost like he’s sipping on her words, too. She shares a thought and he swishes it around in his brain, tasting it, considering it, but he never judges. Never opens his mouth. She lets the words flow from the insecure part of her heart, and she think _this really isn’t as scary at all_.

“But I realized,” Nina continued. “That I need to give you chance before I can be scared. I need to let you decide if I’m enough or not, I can’t decide that for you.”

She lets out a breath as she finishes, and timidly looks up to Ricky. He's looking at her with an intensity that she can’t quite read. It feels suddenly like he’s looking _into_ her. She gnaws the inside of her mouth.

“I get it.” He finally speaks, and Nina finally realizes what that unreadable expression was. It was _understanding_.

“You do?” She asks.

“I do.” He sits up in his chair a bit, leaning forward, clasping his hands together on the table. “Look, Nini, I think everyone is a little scared of falling in love. I’ll be the first to admit that love had always been kind of daunting for me.”

He got her name wrong again. She almost wants to correct him, but she likes the way it sounds in his mouth. “It has?”

“Yeah, totally,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “But I’m more scared of never knowing what love is like. Of missing out on it. I want to experience _everything_ life has to offer. Even if it’s a little scary.” Ricky sips his coffee again.

Nina feels her lips turn up. He talks as if he’s thought deeply about this, which he probably has. She likes listening to him talk about things he cares about.

“And if you’re worried about me, like, killing you?” He there’s that amusement in his eyes. “I get light headed at the sight of a bloody nose.” She almost giggles. “You have _nothing_ to worry about.”

Nina ducks her head and smiles at her untouched latte. “Well,” she turns the smile to Ricky. “That’s very comforting to hear.”

She takes a peak up at him. He’s staring at her with a glint in his eyes.

“What?” She asks, suddenly very conscious of her face.

“You’re very cute.” He says plainly.

Nina feels her cheeks flush. “And you—a-are very honest.”

“What can I say,” he shrugs, “it’s one of many incredible traits I have.”

“Is modesty one of them?”

“Of course. It’s like in the top five of my incredible traits.”

Nina laughs. Even over this small cup of coffee, she feels this rightness with him. She might even be beginning to understand why they’re Bloodmates.

“Let me take you on a date,” He asks very bluntly. _There’s that honesty_ , Nina thinks to herself.

She bites down a grin, trying to conceal her excitement, and nods.

Ricky doesn’t try to hide his own grin. He tosses a napkin on a table. She looks closer and sees a number, a day, and a time on it, and wonders when he ever had the time to write it down without her seeing. “So confident I would say yes?” She asks, taking the napkin.

Ricky shrugs playfully, “Confidence is the third trait—behind modesty and honesty.” He smirks and she loves it. Ricky gets up to leave, and Nina finds a twang of disappointment in her chest.

“I’m looking forward to our date, Nini.”

When she’s sure he’s out of the cafe and down the street, Nina smiles to herself and squeals. Customers stare at her, but she doesn’t really care anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think! xoxo


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